Monday, 13 October 2014

Hard to admit things aren't easy

I'm not comfortable with the idea of admitting things aren't going to plan job wise, in fact, it's really hard. Nobody will pay me to do the menial stuff because I'm too expensive and all the good jobs out there require me to be someone with bits of paper rather than a capable, intelligent, experienced useful person. Somewhere along the line, the idea of a degree turned into a thing that it isn't. Just because you can do one thing, doesn't mean you can do something totally unrelated and being a practical sort, all that practical experience gives you diddly squat when put in front of some suit looking for a few specific words on a bit of paper.

I'm quite down about it, life has never been fair, it's nothing personal and there are too many people and not enough jobs to go round.
Most of the jobs out there seem so meaningless and pointless anyway, I hate that but I'm too lazy, scared or just incapable right now of finding a way to do something useful and relevant to make a living.

Toby's money will stop next July, which will mean that we will have no source of income unless we find something. It's possible that if the Pre-school at the International school goes ahead, I might have a job as a TA but that can't support us all.
Both of us are in a manner of speaking unemployable, we are too old to be messed about and really should find a way to work for ourselves. Running our own business comes with many risks and problems as well as being the only way to trully do what you can do and be rewarded for your own efforts. Money has no conscience and it will always be bankers that get bigger bonuses than nurses. I don't want to be rich, but I do want to provide for my family and make enough that there's a buffer for hard times.

I will find a way, somehow and I've been trying to have those searching conversations that turn into changing what I'm doing and trying different things until something sticks.

As much as anything else it's about working out what I want to do. The last time I had to do this was in London, with no benefits, but a few loans from my long suffering Dad, I managed to re-train and work and live in London. I started from scratch, chose a path, planned it and achieved success. Then I changed my focus, and did that and so on.

The biggest challenge I'm facing right now, is committing to something to focus on and until I do that, I can't properly plan my energy. I keep bouncing from what I might be able to do to what I actually want to do. I need to sort out what my long game is first.

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